Austin, Luke & Savannah's Mommy

Austin, Luke & Savannah's Mommy: FEAR

2010-12-03T08:44:00.000-05:00

FEAR

2010-12-03T08:37:00.000-05:00

It's been such a long time since I've blogged. I was thinking about how much it used to help me deal with life so I've decided to give it another try. Life has been full to say the least! My mind has been consumed with the fear of losing another family member. My mom passed on 12-7-08 and my uncle on 12-8-09, brother and sister die exactly one year and one day apart. I miss them so much. I am left wondering who will it be on 12-9-10? Please God let it be the day we all start healing.
My family is a mess and I miss the way things used to be. I miss talking to my brother the most. I haven't talked to him in months. My mom was the one that held us together. We were left with a mess to say the least and that has pulled everyone farther apart. I feel like I've already lost Duane.

So if you are a praying person please pray that we are able to start healing and stop fighting.

June pictures

2010-10-13T08:27:00.000-04:00

Savannah in her kindergarten class

Savannah

We spent the day at Fort DeSoto

Austin, Luke & Colin

Matt & I

Mommy & Me

Luke & Mommy

Me & Austin

Julie

John & BFA

mother's day 2010

2010-05-09T09:28:00.000-04:00

Happy Mother's Day Mom & Grandma.

I miss you both so much. I know that you are both painfree and living it up in Heaven.

We are headed to the beach to enjoy our wonderful family.

Love you!

My little buddy!

2010-05-01T08:01:00.000-04:00

Dylan is 10 months old now!

I just had to share a picture of my little buddy. I have really enjoyed watching him on Tuesday's and Thursday's. He is such a happy little boy and a pleasure to be around. Now that he knows me better he really lets loose and has a blast! He has this little thing he does with his shoulders when he's really happy. He kind of wiggles them while he's laughing. He's a great eater, very neat and clean. He has brought so much joy to me and I just love him to pieces! I thought I was helping his parents out by watching him but he's the one helping me! How can you be in a bad mood with that face?

Savannah is 6!!

2010-04-30T08:56:00.000-04:00

Happy Birthday Savannah!!

She turned 6 on 4-26!!

She loved her cake!!

Here is Savannah with her b-day cupcakes!

Blowing out her candle.

What a blessing Savannah has been to our family.

We love you so much!!

An afternoon at the beach 4-14-10

2010-04-18T13:26:00.000-04:00

I took the kids to Treasure Island beach last Wednesday after school.

The beach is really wide and so beautiful. They even have a playground by the snack bar.

I think Austin may need a bra!!

Luke loves digging in the sand.

Savannah's hair looks so light in this picture.

Can you believe that Austin in 5'8 & 133 pounds?!

Luke is growing like a weed too!

Savannah is such a silly girl!

I thought this was a good action shoot of the boys playing.

Luke's b-day and fun stuff!

2010-03-30T09:37:00.000-04:00

Luke's birthday cake.

Triple layer white cake with chocolate icing, whipped cream & strawberries!

Luke with some of his b-day gifts.

Daddy & Luke playing some new games.

Savannah making cookies with her Easybake oven.

They were yummy!

We did her nails too.

Can't leave out my Austin!

Daytona 500 Experience

2010-03-20T09:36:00.000-04:00

I had such a wonderful birthday week this year!! We do weeks instead of days in our house. We usually end up giving gifts early too. So to start the week off I got a new tattoo on my left wrist!

So this year we went to Daytona Beach to celebrate mine and Luke's birthday's. Mine was the 13th and Luke's is the 22nd. We headed over to Daytona International Speedway last Saturday afternoon and went to the Daytona 500 Experience.

We saw a NASCAR movie in the IMAX theater then went for a tour around the track.

This was our ride!

Matt, Austin & Savannah

Luke & I

The frontstretch.

Victory Lane

Matt & the kids in the pits.

Kids in front of this years Daytona 500 winner, Jamie McMuray.

ASustin in front of Dale Sr. car.

Honoring a racing legend!

Dale Jr.

Jeff Gordon

My next post will talk about the rest of our trip!

Dylan

2010-03-20T09:08:00.001-04:00

I have recently started babysitting for the sweetest little boy a couple days a week. His name is Dylan and his mom was Luke's 1st grade teacher. He's almost 9 months old and is the best baby I'v ever watched.

Savannah loves helping out with Dylan.

He loves getting love from Savannah!

He was making presents for me!

He's always so happy!!

We have so much fun together!!

New-do

2010-03-11T08:19:00.000-05:00

Here is my new hair-do! I love it!!

Savannah & Luke's report cards!

2010-03-04T09:59:00.001-05:00

These are pictures from Outback night at Perkins Elementary. Savannah and her class sang two cute songs and we had yummy food from Outback Steakhouse. Once a year a local Outback donates a couple hundred meals for a fundraiser for the magnet program at school. We had a great evening!
Here is what Savannah's teacher had to say about her on her most recent report card:
Savannah, sweet as a cupcake, continues to amaze me with her art work. She is working hard on learning the sounds of the letters and the sight words. Please practice these at home, as well as, jumping rope. Keep up the good work.

Luke got all A's once again! We are so proud of him and all his hard work. Here is what his teacher had to say about him:
Luke continues to excell in both academic and behavioral areas. He always puts forth maximum effort, whether working independently, with a partner, or in a group. Luke's critical thinking skills are strongand he often makes connections between content areas. Responsible, respectful, and kind, Luke is a pleasure to have in class. Congratulations on another outstanding report card, Luke!

99 things I should have done.

2010-02-28T09:02:00.000-05:00

Instructions:

Copy the list, bold the ones you've done (with explanations if needed), share with friends.

1. Started your own blog.

2. Slept under the stars.

3. Played in a band

4. Visited Hawaii (maybe someday...I really want to go)

5. Watched a meteor shower

6. Given more than you could afford to charity.

7. Been to Disneyworld

8. Climbed a mountain

9. Held a praying mantis.

10. Sang a solo.

11. Bungee jumped

12. Visited Paris

13. Watched a thunder and lightning storm.

14. Taught yourself a art by sratch.

15. Adopted a child

16. Had food posioning.

17. Walked to the top of the Statue of Liberty

18. Grown your own vegetables.

19. Seen the Mona Lisa in France

20. Slept on an overnight train

21. Had a pillow fight.

22. Hitch hiked

23. Taken a sick day when you’re not ill

24. Build a snow fort.

25. Held a lamb

26. Gone skinny dipping.

27. Run a Marathon

28. Ridden in a gondola in Venice

29. Seen a total eclipse

30. Watched a sunrise or sunset.

31. Hit a homerun.

32. Been on a cruise.

33. Seen Niagara Falls in person

34. Visited the birthplace of your ancestors

35. Seen an Amish community

36. Taught yourself a new language

37. Had enough money to be truly satisfied

38. Seen the Leaning Tower of Pisa in person

39. Gone rock climbing

40. Seen Michelangelo’s David

41. Sung karaoke.

42. Seen Old Faithful geyser erupt

43. Bought a stranger a meal at a resturant.

44. Visited Africa

45. Walked on the beach by moonlight.

46. Been transported in an ambulance.

47. Had your portrait painted

48. Gone deep sea fishing.

49. Seen the Sistine Chapel in person

50. Been to the top of the Eiffel Tower in Paris

51. Gone scuba diving or snorkeling

52. Kissed in the rain.

53. Played in the mud.

54. Gone to a drive-in theater.

55. Been in a movie

56. Visited the Great Wall of China

57. Started a business.

58. Taken a martial arts class

59. Visited Russia

60. Served at a soup kitchen

61. Sold Girl Scout Cookies

62. Gone whale watching.

63. Got flowers for no reason.

64. Donated blood, platelets or plasma.

65. Gone sky diving

66. Visited a Nazi Concentration Camp

67. Bounced a check.

68. Flown in a helicopter

69. Saved a favorite childhood toy.

70. Visited the Lincoln Memorial

71. Eaten caviar

72. Pieced a quilt.

73.Stood in Times Square.

74. Toured the Everglades.

75. Been fired from a job.

76. Seen the Changing of the Guards in London

77. Broken a bone (do toes and fingers count)

78. Been a passenger on a motorcycle.

79. Seen the Grand Canyon in person

80. Published a book

81. Visited the Vatican

82. Bought a brand new car.

83. Walked in Jerusalem

84. Had your picture in the newspaper.

85. Kissed a stranger at midnight on New Year’s Eve

86. Visited the White House

87. Killed and prepared an animal for eating

88. Had chickenpox.

89. Saved someone’s life

90. Sat on a jury

91. Met someone famous.

92. Joined a book club

93. Got a tattoo.

94. Had a baby.

95. Seen the Alamo in person

96. Swam in the Great Salt Lake

97. Been involved in a law suit

98. Owned a cell phone.

99. Been stung by a bee.

More good stuff!!

2010-02-18T10:04:00.000-05:00

I can't believe how awesome I feel lately!! It really feels good to not be in pain all the time. I hurt my back the end of last April and it was non-stop pain for almost a year. I still have numbness in my right leg and half of my right foot. My doctor said I have a 70-80% chance of it going away. He said that if it stays numb, that I should just get used to it after a year. It's a little weird but not painful, so I'm okay with that. How can I complain when the pain is gone?
I am so thankful to God for always being with me. The truth is just so refeshing. I'm thankful for all my friends and family that are always by my side as well. I have such an fulfilling life. I have the pleasure of watching my kids gown and learn. I have special moments with each one everyday. I have my perfect soul mate in Matt. We fall more in love everyday.
I now have a part-time job!! I'm watching a friends 7 month old son a couple days a week. Dylan is such a good boy. We have a lot of fun. Savannah loves having him around. I need to get ready for him now!

Better days are here!

2010-02-13T09:47:00.000-05:00

I am happy to say that I am pretty much pain free these days!! The injections have really helped and I am now off all my pain meds. Those of you that know me well know how hard it is to say good-bye to the pills. I hate them and hope I never need them again. These same pills are what killed my mom and uncle. They are evil.
I am feeling awesome and losing weight. I'm working on exercise and eating right. I feel like my body was telling me that I've abused it long enough. So far I'm down 15 pounds and I have 50 more I want to lose. I dream about the day that I don't have to shop in plus sizes.
Moving on with life has been so difficult. I miss my grandma, mom and uncle everyday. I'm mad that my mom and uncle couldn't quit the drugs. I'm mad that they aren't here. I hate that they had to live that way for so long. Being addicted to drugs is the absolute worst thing you could do to yourself. I am here to break that cycle for good. I promise to do better. I promise to never die of a drug overdose. I don't want my family to ever have to deal with that again. I will make my mom proud!
Thanks for checking in on me, I am really doing great now!!

Go Blue

2010-02-07T08:28:00.000-05:00

I am so ready for some Colt's football today!!

Were having company over to watch the game and having steaks on the grill. I really hope my Colt's can pull out a win tonight!!!

Update

2010-01-30T07:35:00.000-05:00

I had some injection done this past Wednesday at my new pain management doctor. They were for my right hip. The day of was pretty miserable, but now it's feeling much better. I'll have an epidural done on my neck this coming Wednesday. Hopefully it will work as well as the first.

Matt is taking me to see Wicked next Wednesday on opening night in Tampa! I have wanted to see this play for years!! It's a Valentine's Day / Anniversary gift. We will be celebrating 12 years of marriage bliss! Seems hard to believe that we've be married so long. It hasn't always been easy but it is so worth it. I really lucked out on the my husband, he's awesome.

We are off to visit some of my family from Indiana today, Nancy & Mike. They come every year to our area and we love seeing them. I don't get to many Indiana visitor's, so when I do it's exciting!

Babay Hummer

2010-01-24T08:39:00.000-05:00

This post is for you Penny! I thought you might enjoy some baby pictures of Hummer. He was 4 lbs. in 2006.

Here he is now! 15 lbs!!

Matt's b-day

2010-01-22T08:58:00.000-05:00

Here are some pictures from Matt's birthday at his Mom & Ralph's house a couple weeks ago. Thanks again to Jenna and Ryan for an amazing dinner. It really meant so much to Mom that you did this for them. She has been telling everyone about it.

Matt with his cake.The 36 got messed up on the way to Mom's.

Who had a stroke?

sacroiliac joint pain

2010-01-15T10:20:00.000-05:00

I saw my neurosurgeon on Monday and we made a plan. He is sending me to a pain management doctor to get a steroid injection in my hip. I am having sacroiliac joint pain. It is causing some seroius pain! It hurts to walk, sit, stand and even laying down. Until them I'm taking pain meds and muscle relaxers to get me through. After that is resolved we will look at my neck again.
I've been trying to lay low at home and relax. You should see me on in my recliner with a massage back thing and a neck pillow. I look like an old woman, but it helps. I made a couple things with the sewing machine that turned out great. I would rather scrapbook or paint than sew. But I had an order for a sewing project.
I'm off to relax and watch some TV. Thanks for your thoughts and prayers.

more pain

2010-01-02T09:35:00.000-05:00

I had another stay at the hospital this past week. I am still having the neck pain and my lower back started really hurting bad. I thought I had done something to my disc because the pain was so bad. This happened on Tuesday, Matt's birthday. He came home from work early and took me to Bayfronts ER. I was taken back really quick when I told them of my history and they called Dr.Jobe. He ordered a MRI and some pain meds. It took a couple dosed of morophine to ease the pain. The tech that read the MRI said that I had another CSF (spinal fluid) leak!! I was admitted and finally got a bed around 10:00 Tuesday night. Needless to say I didn't get any sleep that night.

Dr.Jobe was in to see me first thing in the morning and said that I did NOT have another leak, the tech was looking at scar tissue!! This was great news but why was the pain so bad? He said that the MRI showed inflamation in my tissues and muscle in my lower back. They got my pain somewaht under control and let me go home on Thursday afternoon. I follow-up with Dr. Jobe on the 11th.

I think there is something else going on because of the amount of pain. My guess is that maybe it a nerve problem? Hopefully it will get better on it's own. I still have a few more therapy apointments for my neck. I hope they help more than the last ones because if anything my neck is worse now. I'm just so tired of being in pain and I hate having to take the pain meds.

We are off to see mom today and celebrate Matt's 36th birthday. Thanks to Jenna and Ryan for making this possible. Thank you to all my friends and family that have called, emailed, facebooked and visited. I'm so greatful for each one of you. I'm so ready to have a great 2010!!

December update

2009-12-27T10:35:00.000-05:00

It's been a while since I've updated so I thought I should finally do it. Life has been crazy this month. I was talking about my uncles death in my last update. My cousins came together to try and honor him with a service and full military honors, 21 gun salute and Taps. I still have my grandpa's flag from his salute 12 years ago. My cousins and I are left with a huge legal mess now. My grandparents left their house to my mom and uncle which sounds easy but the house is still in grandma & grandpas name. My brother has decided that he wants to live in the house until we sell it. Well legeally he can't do that and we don't want him there. He doesn't have a job or any way to pay the bills. It looks like the state will end up getting the house because my brother won't agree. We just want to sell it ASAP, split any money left and move on. I'm hoping he will change his mind because my grandparents worked had for that house.

Uncle Duane, Grandma & Gena (my mom) in 2006

This month was a month for strokes too. My great Auntie Joe had a stroke earllier in the month. She is recovering well at her daughters home. My momther-in-law, Donna aka mom had a stroke on the 21st. It affected her left side and her speech. She was able to make a fist with her left hand by the 24th and go home! She still has a lot of hard work in front of her but she's a fighter.

Here is mom & Ralph 10 days before her stroke.

Auntie Joe & I in June of 09

We also took the kids to the beach on the 19th to catch some waves. The waves weren't quite there but we had fun anyways. Matt took his surf board and gave it his best shot!

We also made a gingerbread village.

Matt got a new scooter.

Savannah lost her first two teeth.

I don't have the Christmas pictures ready yet but I will soon.

another call

2009-12-08T09:00:00.000-05:00

I got another one of those "phone calls" early this morning, you know the kind with bad news. My Uncle Duane was found dead in the same house my Mom died in a year ago. They think he may have been there for a day or so. So my Mom and her only brother died almost exactly a year apart. I'm beyond upset, I'm heartbroken. I know how my cousins feel and I just want to be with them. They are all in Indiana. Please pray for our family.

Pain in the neck

2009-12-07T20:41:00.000-05:00

Today was a really weird day from the start. I've been preparing myself all year for the first anniversary of my mom's untimly death. I am left missing her but I know where she is, so I'm not worried about her. I'm sad that she isn't here to see her grand-children. I'm sad that my kids no longer have her. She would love seeing Savannah with two teeth missing on the bottom. She would be amazed at how much they have all grown. The only choice for me is to have faith that I will see her again. Move on and enjoy my life. I will always miss her.
I have been having some on going issues with my neck. I finally had an MRI and saw my Neurosurgeon this morning. I wanted him to say that he could fix it and I could move on. He said he couldn't fix it but thought it could get better with meds, P.T., steriods, and hard work. He said my problems are from arthritis and muscle spasms. I also have some buldging discs. I'm just over all the pain. I start new meds tomorrow and call about therapy. I'm working on a good attitude!! I'm just beat lately.

Update!

2009-11-28T11:43:00.000-05:00

I hope everyone had a great Thanksgiving and Black Friday. We had a great time for sure! I cooked a turkey (my best one ever), stuffing, green bean casarole, 2 pumkin pies, an apple pie, crumb cake, chocolate chip and peanut butter cookies, and deviled eggs. We ate at Tony and Kelly's house and Kelly cooked a ham, corn casarole, veggies, mashed potatoes and dinner rolls. Kelly was awesome and did most of the clean up while I relaxed, I was beat from the days of cooking. We make a great team when it comes to holiday cooking. It was great to have my Mother-in-law Donna there with Ralph. Carol also joined us and had a great time. Carol is Matt's dad's first wife and still a big part of the family. Her and Donna had a good time catching up. It was a great day!
I sure did miss my Mom this Thanksgiving, it was my first without her. I am certain that she is in a much better place now and I give thanks for that. December 7th will be one year without her. It just doesn't seem possible. I have been following her former doctor in the news. His licence was suspended in late October for 90 days. I really hope that he never practice medicine again. My mom is one of many that have died of a drug overdose. Click here to read the latest article about him.
I did some Christmas shopping yesterday. I didn't head out until 9am and it was still pretty busy. I only went to WalMart and Toy's R Us. The line at Toy's R Us was about a 45 minute wait! I got a great deal so it was worth it. It so much fun shopping for Savannah. The boy's only want video games these days and that's not so fun for me.
My friend Anissa is still in a coma but trying to wake up. Her family could really use ours prayers. Her youngest daughter is really having a rough time without her mom. Her update will now be here.

Anissa

2009-11-19T08:15:00.000-05:00

Here is a picture I took of Anissa and her youngest daughter, Peyton at Fasion Funds the Cure 07. It's a fashion show to benefit the Pediratic Cancer Foundation. It was an amazing evening!!

Prayers needed!!

2009-11-18T17:28:00.000-05:00

I wanted to ask for your prayers for a friend of mine. Her name is Anissa and she is an amazing woman, wife and mother. She is in her 30’s and just had a massive stroke. She had a stroke in 2005 and fully recovered. She’s a fighter for sure! This stroke is much worse and things aren’t looking good. Her youngest daughter Peyton (5) is a cancer survivor, and 1 year off treatment!! She also has a son, Nathanial (11), and another daughter, Rachel (7).

If you want to help this family please click on the box in the upper right hand corner!

If you want to follow her progress she has a Caringbridge site:
http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/anissamayhew

Savannah

2009-11-17T10:29:00.000-05:00

Here are some new pictures of my little diva. She loves having her picture taken!

Report cards

2009-11-15T09:09:00.000-05:00

I am so proud of my son Luke. He got all A's on his report card. I never even got close to that. School just comes so easy for him and he hasn't even really started to work very hard. I hope he continues to do well. Here is what his teacher had to say:
Luke's super grades this term are a reflection of his hard work in class and at home. I can always count on Luke to give 100% effort, and to ask questions when he doesn't understand something. Luke's behavior is excellent , and he seems to enjoy participating in class. He is a model student and a friend to everyone. You should be very proud of yourself, Luke!

I am also very proud of Austin! He got his report card a couple weeks ago. He is doing amazing in middle school and seems to emjoy it. He got 4 C's, 2 B's and an A!! Here are some of the comments from his teachers:
Possitive attitude / effort
Works well with others
Displays responsibility
Becoming self-directed learner
Work is improving
He is also staying after school two days a week for tutoring. He hasn't once complained about staying until 5:20 pm on Mondays & Thursdays. He is seeing that his hard work is paying off! He is also off all his ADHD meds and doing better without them. He is become quite a young man and so tall!!

Miss Savannah got her very first report card, and she did very well. She is ahead of where she should be is almost everything. Here is what her teacher had to say about her:
Savannah is a very creative student. Her art work is mature and beautiful. She loves to learn and participate in all activites. Please continue to practice letter recognition and sounds at home for more practice. Keep up the good work.

website

2009-11-12T07:14:00.000-05:00

My website is up and running!!

customcraftshop.com

More hospital stuff

2009-11-08T07:38:00.000-05:00

I can't believe how much my recent hospital stay has affected me. It's hard to think about it without getting teary eyed. It's almost like I was a different person when I was there. I guess I had to be strong otherwise I would have gone crazy! I can't tell you how many different people I had to tell my story to before my back was fixed, doctor's, nurses, roomates, friends, family and even the housekeeping lady. I was begininng to think that there wasn't really anything wrong with me and I was just going to have a headache forever. When I woke up from surgery and my headache was gone, I knew I wasn't crazy!!
I think being in the hospital is a huge stresser for anyone. I had never had to stay for 8 days before. I loved all my nurses that took care of me. I look foward to taking them some homemade cookies soon. They went out of their way to make me comfortable. I was so embarrased to have to use a bedpan, but they tried to put my mind at ease.
I have a bag that has all the stuff from the hospital in it that I can't seem to put away. Everytime I get near it I want to just start crying. I'm just going to leave it alone for a while. It was really hard getting through everything without my mom. I miss her so much. It's almost been a year since she passed away.
The kids are all doing great! Austin has been off his ADHD meds for over a month now and he is doing awesome!!! He is working so hard in middle school and we are so proud of him. He is such a good helper and has a heart of gold. Luke is doing super in school, all As on his first report card! He's been growing so much lately, he's not my little boy anymore. He ususlly the one testing us but he can also be very sweet. Savannah loves kindergarten and everything about it. I think she would live there if she could. She loves learning and playing and meeting new friends. She loves to draw pictures, I mean LOVES it!! This girl is always working on some sort of art project.
Matt has been amazing through everything. I love him more everyday. We were made for each other for sure. He listens to all my worries and makes they better. He always seems to know what to say and when to say it. I am so excited that I get to spend the rest of my life with him.

Update & trick-or-treating

2009-11-07T08:17:00.000-05:00

I can't believe that it's already November, where has the year gone? I have to admit that it's been a tough year. The past month is has been the toughtest. The whole time I was in the hospital I had a positive attitude and didn't really worry much. I just did what I had to do to get better. When I got home it all hit me and I have really struggled. Things are getting better thanks to my amazing friends and family. Of course Matt has been my rock and really got me through the tough times. I'm done with all the pain meds and life continues to move on.
Here are a few pictures from Halloween. Matt took Luke and Savannah out trick-or-treating.
Boba Fett

Bunny

Amy Update!

2009-11-01T22:42:00.000-05:00

I wanted to get on here and update about the past couple weeks. My surgery on the 14th went well and I was home the next day, Thursday the 15th. I was up and about and feeling great. But when I woke up on Thursday the 22nd my head was killing me. It got so bad that I asked to call an ambulance to take me to the hospital. There was just no way I could have sat up in the van for the 10-15 minute ride. The pain in my head, neck and upper shoulders was like nothing I've ever felt before....it was hell.

When I got to the hospital I was given some pain meds that helped control the unrelenting pain. I saw a few doctors and it was decided that I would receive a blood patch in my spine to hopefully repair any leak of CSF that might me going on. The procedure was done in my ER room and quite painful. They took some of my blood and put it in my epidural space. The doctor that did it was ready to send me home but I asked to stay overnight to see how I felt the next day. Needless to say the patch didn't work and what came next was a bunch of tests:

MRI of my lumbar spine, with & without contrast

MRI of my brain, with & without contrast

CT scan of my neck, base of my skull and upper shoulders.

X-ray of my chest

Countless blood tests

2 spinal taps

2 blood patches

10 day total inpatient

The first spinal was awful and they weren't able to get any fluid. That was really scary because I had no idea if that was good or bad, I was leaning towards bad. The reason they couldn't find fluid was because it was in the same spot where they did surgery and there was tons of scar tissue. So the next spinal was in my room and they tried another blood patch. They got fluid but the patch didn't help. The fluid showed some abnormal white blood cells so I was in isolation for about 24 hours. They had to rule out meningitis, which they did. If anything it would have been chemical.

My doctor wanted me to try and get up and walk with PT. I did okay with walking but my head started hurting so bad that I had to get back to bed ASAP. That evening my neurosurgeon calls and asked if I would be willing to do surgery to get a really good look and make repairs as needed. So he went in through my scar and was able to sew up the problem and my headaches were gone when I woke up in recovery!! Dr. Jobe said that he had never had a case like mine but had read about it. I told him that he will never forget me. I will see him in the morning and update soon after.

Love, Amy

Doing great!!

2009-10-20T13:37:00.001-04:00

I am doing wonderful after surgery! I am healing well and taking it easy. Matt is doing an amazing job of taking care of the kids and I. We've had all kinds of goodies delivered and picked up some Selmon's for dinner last Friday. Thanks to Jenna and Ryan!! Jenna is bringing Taco salad this evening and Jennifer is getting pizza for us tomorrow. Oh, and Donna brought over some yummy homemade chocolate chip cookies Saturday. The night before surgery our BFF's, the Pippins' brough Pizza over and really helped calm my nerves. I made it through surgery and I see the light at the end of the tunnel!! I want to thank everyone for helping me get through a very difficult time.Matt has been able to spend more time with the kids this week. He took all three kids to the beach on Saturday to enjoy the first waves. Matt took them to pick out a new boogie board that the used all day. Hopefully we will get more good waves so they can surf this winter.
I just wanted to let everyone know that I'm doing great!!

Update about sugery

2009-10-16T17:00:00.000-04:00

My last blog was about what I was expecting and this blog will be what happened after surgery. I want to start off by saying that I had the best care possible this time. Everyone from Beth in pre-op to the housekeeping lady that made me laugh. I told my sad story to everyone I talked to and it really made a difference. I have so much more I want to share but I'll have to do that later. Thank you so much for all your prayers, love and support!

What to expect

2009-10-11T10:51:00.000-04:00

This picture was taken a couple days before my back surgery in February of 2005 at the Daytona 500. We had so much fun. I wasn't really that nervous about surgery because I didn't know what to expect.

The next picture was taken about a week after my surgery.

My back is really hurting and I am scared to death of the future pain. Surgery will be at Noon on Wednesday at Bayfront Medical Center here in St.Pete. When I woke up after my first surgery on the way to the recovery room I thought I was going to die...it was that bad. It didn't help that the nurses in the recovery room were too busy talking about their weekend plans that it took almost an hour to get my pain pump.

The worst part of my hospital stay was my overnight nurse, she was not nice at all. After they pulled my cathier I had to use a bedpan because I wasn't allowed to get up. The nurse gave me the bedpan and left. I had to lay/sit on that thing for 2 hours!! I kept calling and calling for the nurse but she was too busy, By the time she comes to help me she says that she will only help if I stop crying!! It was like a nightmare, my worst night ever!! After I went home we called and complained and the hosptial appoligized and refunded our $300 co-pay. I have made up my mind that I will only accept the best care possible. I'm not so shy and quiet anymore, I speak my mind! So keep me in your prayers so I don't have a nercvous breakdown before surgery!!

Happy Birthday Austin!

2009-09-26T15:15:00.000-04:00

Austin at age 7

Austin at age 8 (he had a black eye)

Austin at age 9

Austin at age 10

Austin at age 11

Austin at age 12

Austin at age 13!!

I love you so much!

Good News!

2009-09-24T20:59:00.000-04:00

For the first time in a year I feel like I'm stepping out of a fog. I'm starting to learn how to live without my grandma and mom. I miss them both so much. I miss being able to call them anytime I wanted. There is so much I miss about them and so much I don't miss. I don't miss wondering if grandma was in pain from the evil cancer that had taken her body hostage. I don't wonder if she's being taken care of or recieving the care she needed. I also don't miss spending so much time worried about my mom. I know that they are both finally home and finally free of the worries of this world.
I still can't believe that I lost both of these women in 4 months and our dog. Talk about having a major pittty party, I was all about that. I guess I've learned that I can do this, I can do anything. I have an amazing life and family. My mom and grandma both died knowing how happy I was. They knew that I was doing what I always wanted to do; be a mom and wife.
Life moves on. I'm not sure that I will ever catch up but I'll give it my best shot. I want to be the best mother, wife and friend that I can possible be. I want to make people feel special and share my gifts with everyone.

Party X4

2009-09-22T08:39:00.003-04:00

We went to celebrate our favorite quads 1st birthday a couple weeks ago.

Here is Matt with Cash.

How sweet is this little man? Cash stole Matt heart!
Here are the quads with the kids.

Jillian, Cameron, Cash & Jack having their cake and eating it too!!

Savannah on the way home with her party favors.

The party was at a splash park.

Here's Luke having a blast!!

Luke, Savannah & Austin getting really wet!

Waiting for the water.

They had so much fun!!

The party was awesome!

My back update!

2009-09-19T08:42:00.003-04:00

I went to see my Neurosurgeon yesterday and we have decided to go ahead with surgery. He said that my disc herniation was still very large and would need surgery to relieve the pain. The surgery will a mircodiskectomy on October 14th. He will go in the same place that I had my prior surgery, so no new scar! He said he should be able to avoid those nasty staples and use a type of skin glue instead.
I have so many different feelings about this surgery. On one hand I can't wait to have it done and over with, and on the other, I'm scared to death. When I woke up from my first back surgery in 2-05, I was introduced to the worst pain I had ever felt. I felt like I had been hit by a Mack truck and lived. Then of course there are the things that can go wrong with the surgery. I am willing to go through all of that stuff to feel better and get my life back. I am way to young to be living with pain all the time so I will do the surgery.
All this started with a ride at Universal Studio's, Jimmy Neutron! It's not even a real ride, but it sure does move around a lot. So no more roller coasters or crazy rides. I love roller coasters and I miss them. This injury happened the last weekend of April, so I've dealt with this pain for 5 months. I've been to 4 different doctors, had 3 extremely painful epidurals, 2 MRI's and I'm over it all.
I do finally see the light at the end of the tunnel, I see an end in sight. What stands in the way is another month of waiting and another couple moths of pain. I'm sure that everyone is sick of hearing me complain so I'll stop now! Please pray that everything will run smooth.

Perkins & September

2009-09-15T10:41:00.003-04:00

This is a picture of Luke and Savannah in front of their school, Perkins Elementary School: Magnet Center for the Arts and International Studies. I LOVE this school and so do the kids. Whenever I'm on campus I just get this awesome feeling of pride. The teachers and staff are amazing men and women that love their school and work so hard to make it a success. Another thing that makes Perkins so wonderful is all the support they receive from parents.

This is Luke & Savannah in Dylan's Butterfly Garden on campus.

This is a Memorial for a former student and artist. His name is Dylan Crane and he had quite an impact on everyone that knew him. He battled the beast of cancer. He had Ewing's Sarcoma, a very powerful bone cancer.

September is National Childhood Cancer Awareness Month.

Dylan was only one of thousands of children that die each year from cancer. Many of the children that beat their cancer are left with a broken and beaten body.

There are many things we can all do to see that one day our children are free of the beast.

* Donate blood & blood products

* Join the National Marrow Donor Program

http://www.marrow.org/

* Support funding for a cure

http://www.fastercure.org/start.htm

*Support Foundations that support families

http://www.katiasolomonfoundation.org/

http://www.childrenscancercenter.org/

http://www.jakesfoundation.org/

http://www.heroesforchildren.org/

Thanks!!

My kids love school!!

2009-09-06T08:54:00.003-04:00

I though I should update since it's been a while. Life is good in the Nasworthy house. Other than Luke being a little sick. He has a sore throat, cough and a fever yesterday, but he feels better today. Hopefully no one else gets sick.
The kids are all loving school!! Savannah thinks kindergarten is the greatest thing ever!! She loves being busy all day and learning. We love her teacher!! Luke is making so many new friends this year and having a blast. He's in 4th grade this year and he's joining the band again this year. I think he's decided on percussion? I just love their school and all the extra things they offer. They get Spanish everyday and all the arts once a week. Austin is doing much better than I thought he would do in middle school!! He's making so many new friends and loving all his classes. His school is working really hard to keep the kids in line. Austin has never been a trouble maker and it's easier for him to focus when other aren't.
My back has been feeling a little better. I'm just tired of complaining about it. My last MRI showed some improvement so I'm not sure what the next step is? I see my neurosurgeon on the 18th and we will go from there.

1st Day of School 09

2009-08-28T07:30:00.001-04:00

Luke 4th grade, Austin 6th grade & Savannah kindergarten

back update

2009-08-25T10:44:00.002-04:00

I'm not sure if anyone still reads this our not but I'll update anyways. I like having a journal so I remember what was going on at a certain time and how I was feeling. This past year has definitely been a rough one. I just never thought that I would lose my mom and grandmother 4 months apart. I working to move on and living again. I'm working on being the best mom and wife that I can right now.
I saw my neurosurgeon yesterday and he's sending me for another MRI because I had a fall and I have new pain. Hopefully I can move forward quickly with surgery. I just want it to stop hurting!! He did say that the surgery he would do is just trimming off the herniated part of the disc. I'm waiting to see the results of the new MRI to make any plans. I'm having it done on Thursday morning so I should get the report and disc early next week.

What's up at the Nasworthy's?

2009-08-13T10:16:00.003-04:00

Savannah working on her first scrapbook!

more scraping
Nana blowing kisses.

Nana & Mommy

Hummer & Dude

This is from our backyard.

Austin in a box.

Luke crushing Austin.

Help!!

Our new grill!!

Nana's new shoes....I love them!!

Luke having a race.

Nana fell asleep on the couch last night.

Nana working on a craft project.

Austin playing with Nana.

I can't believe that summer is almost over and school will be starting so soon. I think the kids are getting sick of hanging out with mom. We haven't done very much because of my back issues. It is really painful right now and I'm so ready to get it fixed. I see neurosurgeon on the 25th to talk about surgery. The steroids didn't help much and it's getting worse everyday. I am taking the kids to Chuckie Cheese this afternoon so they can burn off some energy. My thyroid meds have been helping me feel better and have more energy, so that is great.

Quads & more

2009-07-28T08:02:00.003-04:00

I guess I should update on my health first. The back still hurts and a lot worse now since I busted my butt getting into a pool over the weekend. I have a softball sized bruise on my left cheek. My whole body feels sore today. I also got some news on my thyroid. I saw my doctor last week and I asked if she could check my thyroid level because I wasn't feeling right. Come to find out I should have been taking the meds for the past year and a half!! I took them before but she told me to stop after a few months. So now I'm just thankful that it's being taken care of. It's one of those things that I will most likely need for the rest of my life like the B12. I can't wait to start feeling better. It was affecting so many things depression, tiredness, my nails are all nasty, and even some confession.
I am waiting to see the neurosurgeon to talk about surgery. I see him next month on the 24th. I'm just ready to get it fixed and move on. I hate waking up in pain. I also hate waiting to see a doctor!!! It takes forever to get anything done.
We have been really busy around here with out of town friends and our visit with the Waker quads. I had a friends from high school come visit over the weekend and it was awesome. We hadn't seen each other in 18 years back in Anderson, IN. She lives out west now with her husband and son. We also had another high school friends that lives in Tampa join us on Saturday. We hung out at their hotel pool on Clearwater beach Saturday evening. Then they came over Sunday, we watched their son so they could have a little adult time. Such fun catching up!!

Meet the Walker 4

Mommy Jenna feeding Jillian & Cash

Cameron & Jack
We were really outnumbered!! 7-2

Austin with Cash

Cameron

Luke talking to Jillian

And this is Jack, he's such a ham, and those curles!!

I need some feedback!!

2009-07-17T07:54:00.004-04:00

I have been working really hard on getting my craft stuff ready to sell on my on-line store. These are a couple examples of the decorated pictures frames that I will be selling. Each one I do will be one of a kind and include whatever the buyer wants.

I love the Indianapolis Colt's!
This frame holds a 4x6 pictures and can be any theme.

These are from my last trip to Anderson to visit my Nana.

I did the two's Nana's because we call Savannah Nana and I call my dad's mom, Nana too.

These will be selling for around $20. Would you buy one?

Ruby Fall's & my back

2009-07-15T07:22:00.004-04:00

I had my third and final epidural yesterday. My back has been killing me the past few days so I'm praying for some relief. I will know in 5 days if it will work or not. The next step will most likely be surgery. If it takes away the pain I'll do it!!

We went to visit Ruby Fall's one day while we were on vacation last week. It ended up being about a two hour drive to Chattanooga, TN. from where we were staying in North Carolina. The drive to get there was beautiful with lots of twists and turns through the mountains. Here are a few pictures from our days.

Austin, Savannah & Matt

Me with the kids
Savannah being cute

Matt

Me & the hubby

Tony, Chris, Kelly, Dylan & Josh

(they went with us on vacation)

The waterfall in the middle of the mountain

They do a light show that is amazing

This picture is looking up from under the fall.

This was the view from the top of the mountain.

Chattanooga, Tennessee

checking out the view

This is one of my favorite things from the cave, a little wishing well.

Our family having fun being together!

I'll be posting more pictures from our trip and some stories. We had a great time!! Of course there was a little drama, there was bound to be with 12 relatives together for a week under one roof. I was able to spend a lot of time with Matt's mom, Donna. We always have a good time together no matter what we are doing!! I'm sure missing her now.

Tea time

2009-06-29T08:27:00.002-04:00

This is how we found Savannah the other day in her room. She set the table up and all her stuffed friends. They were having a great time.

Since she was being such a good girl, I pulled out her 'good' tea set.
It was so much fun that the boy's joined in.

Austin will kill me one day for posting this pictures. He doesn't read my blog so I think I'm safe for now.

She wouldn't get anyone pour!

Now that Savannah is 5 we are having so much fun doing girly things!!

Saturday update

2009-06-27T08:32:00.002-04:00

I had my second epidural on Wednesday and it really hurt. When the doctor got close to bone I felt this pain go all the way down my right leg to my foot. It was like hitting your funny bone times 100!! Thankfully the procedure only takes less than 10 minutes. I was sore that day and the next, but now it's feeling a little better. I will see my doctor next Monday to figure out the next step. You can only get three epidurals a year and I've had two so far. He may send me for some physical therapy?
The kids are having a great summer so far. They've been stuck inside a lot because of my back problems but we are having fun. We've been building clubhouses in the living room with blankets. Savannah has this cute porcelain princess tea set that she got for Christmas that we've been using too. Nana likes to set up her little table with stuffed animals all around it for tea parties. She even make paper cookies for the plates. I have takes some pictures but haven't put them on the computer yet.
I need to get up and ready for the day. If you have an extra minute please leave a comment. I love hearing from everyone.

Update

2009-06-24T06:03:00.003-04:00

Today is the day for epidural #2, well it's actually a nerve block I believe. I'm a little nervous because the last one hurt really bad. It was quick but I could feel the pain go through my entire body. I get twight-light sedation but I still feel everything, just makes me a little goofy. I also saw the neurosurgeon on Monday and he told me to give him a call if the pain gets worse because then we will talk surgery. He said that he thought the area with fluid was just blood from when I herniated my disc. He said the herniation was really large and most likely bleed a little when it happened.
We had a great Father's Day weekend. I made Matt a super meal on the grill Saturday and he loved it. Delmonico steaks, mushroom and corn on the cob on the grill and Savannah made the Cesar salad. It was so yummy! We went to the Pippin's on Sunday for a seafood boil. John is an awesome cook and I think he has mastered the boil.
We are getting excited about our upcoming vacation to visit Matt's mom in North Carolina. We are leaving on Friday July the 3rd and staying for a week. Matt's brother Tony and his family are going too. It will be a full house for sure, our 5 and Tony's 5 along with Mom & Ralph. Oh, I almost forgot, were bringing our dogs too!! We just can't bear to leave them behind and we aren't staying in a hotel. I'm ready for a break from this Florida heat!! We've been having heat advisories the past week with feels like temps of 100 plus.
I'm off the grab a bite to eat while I still can and get ready for the day.

Not a good morning

2009-06-17T17:23:00.002-04:00

I was supposed to have my second epidural this morning but I had to cancel. I woke up at 2:15am and threw-up every 15-20 minutes until around 7:30am. I was ready to go to a walk in clinic or the ER because it was so bad. Thankfully I was able to get an hour or so of sleep and woke up feeling much better. I have never been sick like that before, it was awful. The only good part was the 5 lbs. I lost!!
I have a new appointment next Wednesday for the procedure. My right leg is so much better since the first one that I can hardly wait for #2!! I'm still having a lot of back pain so I'm bummed that I have to wait. I'm hoping that good things will come with the wait.
I'm off to relax and have some chicken noodle soup.

Video & thank you's

2009-06-16T12:43:00.006-04:00

Here is my first attempt at posting a video for your viewing pleasure. It's at the pool when we were down south a couple weeks ago. Savannah had just learned how to hold her breath underwater and Luke was diving for coins. Enjoy!!

I also want to thank a couple of wonderful ladies for all their love and support over the past year. Well they have known and loved me since before I was born. They are two of my cousin's that have gone out of their way to make me feel special and always have such good advice. Thank you Rita and Nancy!!

Savannah

2009-06-15T09:28:00.004-04:00

Savannah after her recital with her flowers.

With Daddy.
Born to perform!
10 little daisies!
At home before the recital. Night of her dress rehearsal.
Work it girl!!
These poses are all Nana!!
She is so sweet.
Love you Nana!!
I somehow always put the pictures in the wrong order. Maybe I'll get it one day!! Nana did so good at her dance recital, we are so proud of her. Matt was off all last week and just went back to work this morning. He's a happy man because his Lakers won yet another NBA title. I think it's like #15!! I would just like the Pacers to get 1. Oh well, I can always dream.

I have my second epidural on Wednesday. The first one worked great for the pain in my leg. Hopefully this one will help my back pain. If not I can get one more.

Yesterday

2009-06-11T09:31:00.003-04:00

We had a great day yesterday remembering my Mom. We drove around Madeira Beach looking for the perfect spot to spread her remains. Sure enough we found it. She is now at a spot that is a great view of Madeira Beach, John's Pass and close to where she used to live. I brought my camera to take some pictures but I somehow forgot the batteries, so no pictures.

We spent the rest of the day just enjoying each others company. We had steaks on the grill and played the Wii. Luke loves Wii Monoploy and he usually wins. He is playing right now!! I kicked every ones butt at bowling, I rolled a 191!!

The best part of yesterday was that I woke up feeling awesome. My back and leg felt great from the epidural, well it was actually a selective nerve root injection. I get my second one next Wednesday. I'm not sure if I will need a third one. So far I am very pleased!!

Happy Birthday Mom!

2009-06-10T08:50:00.005-04:00

Dear Mom,

It's hard to believe that you aren't here to celebrate your 56th birthday today. How is that you have been gone since December 7, 2008? I know that where you are is so much better than here. You are finally pain free and happy. I know that life here was a struggle for you. You worked so hard to give Duane and I a good life as a single mother. Somewhere along the way you made some bad decisions and got mixed up with the wrong people. I am trying to learn from your mistakes so that I can make better choices.

So much has happened since your passing. The kids have grown and finished another school year. Both boy's got honor roll, Austin for the first time. You would be so proud of them. Savannah finished Pre-K and is ready for kindergarten. She is having her dance recital on Friday.

I have missed you so much. I think about you everyday and I'm always thinking about calling you. Well until I realize that you won't answer. I probably miss that the most. I could always call and you would actually listen to what I was saying. I usually just told you what you should do, but you always listen! There were also times when you weren't able to talk because you were high. That drove me crazy.

I asked some of the people who loved you the most to tell me about you and why they loved you. I love that they took the time to help me with this. Today will be the day that you are laid to rest in the Gulf of Mexico. We will be spreading you remains in Madeira Beach because you loved it so much.

I wanted to share all the wonderful stories with you and our loved one's, so here it goes!

***This is from my wonderful husband, Matt.
I loved your Mom's sense of humor and competitiveness.She was a true NASCAR fan and could back it up with stats. She was also so much fun to have around and be the life of the party. She also loved my children with ever fiber of her being. She was so proud of her daughter and was so got great joy from our family.

***This is from my cousin LeiAnne.
I can't tell you how much I've thought about your Mom lately... I'll be doing something with the kids or someone will say something and I'll think of something she did or did with us. We were sitting around Sun. and I started flippin' the channels and came across "Top Gun". Do you remember watching that with your Mom, Karla & Misty? Fun!!!!!!!!! I had to tell the kids how we would rewind the volleyball scene over and over (the kids only saw last 1/2 hr. of movie, so they only know what the volleyball scene is in theory ). It's things like that and tons more. Aunt GG was a huge part of my childhood! The fun part.
I thank God that He allowed me to spend more time with Grandma and your Mom towards the end. I know He knew what was going to happen and he allowed me that time to honor them. I know that was a very difficult time for Aunt GG and even though I had issues, The Lord gave me the grace to show her love and acceptance and to commend her for how well she was caring for Grandma while she was in the hospital. I know she felt like she had no one (I know she had you, of course)and despite all of her issues, she was losing her Mom and she was doing everything in her power to make her comfortable. I've told it over and over, but I'll never forget driving in the van with your Mom after Grandma died. We were on our way to the funeral home and she just started praying that everything would work out and all the sudden, I felt the Holy Spirit in that van! That is what gives me comfort today about where your Mom is. (I hope you can get some input from my Dad too because he had a vision of Grandma right after she died). Hopefully Duane can put some of his thought on paper and send them to you-I know that would be rich!

***This is from LeiAnne's husband, Mark.
Your mom really listened when you talked to her, no matter if it was about yourself or things that might of been for strength / correction for her. She was always caring and her love for you was real and not dependent on how or what you said to her. She loved, cared and hugged my kids like they where her own. She was truly a remarkable woman and she left a great impression on all those she met. And it was most obvious her compassion and love for people was shown in taking care of her mom. Many would probably say she did that because it was her mom. I would have to disagree, cause her genuine love for her friends and family lead me to believe she would have done the same for any of those she dearly loved. She was such a fun lady to be around. I know some times where kinda difficult, but she was a fun woman. Thanks for the way you loved me and my family Aunt GG.

***This is from LeiAnne & Mark's daughter, Aubrey.
Hey Amy, this is Aubrey.
I loved Aunt GG the most because of how sweet and tender she was. Whenever we saw her she always made sure we were perfectly comfortable. She served us all so well. Including Grandma. Her and Grandma always used to remind me about the "smile Katie" thing, even though I had long forgot about that. But it was still so funny because they would just laugh and laugh!
So Happy Birthday Aunt GG! We love and miss you =]

***This is from our cousin, Nancy.
My Cousin, Gena
When we were kids, our families did a lot of things together. I especially had fond memories of camping together at Bass Lake in Indiana. We would stay in tents on the sand near the water and spend the day mostly in the water. I remember having so much fun water-skiing with Gena. Gena and Duane would come to our house to spend the night sometimes, and we all had fun together playing outdoors and in our basement. Gena was somewhat of a tomboy when she was little, so we had lots of fun playing outdoors. She was eight years younger than me, so she would pretty much go along with whatever I suggested. I always knew that she looked up to me. When she was a baby, I loved to help take care of her because it was like having a real live doll to play with.
When they were teenagers, my brother and sisters spend more time with her because they were more her age. They always had fun together. (sometimes too much fun!)
When Auntie Gen died, Gena gave the most amazing eulogy about her mother. I was so impressed.
Gena made a lot of bad choices in her life, but I always knew that she was a good person and that she loved her children and grandchildren more than anything.
Nancy

***This is from my Mother-in-law, Donna.
Dear Amy,
I didn't know your Mother well. But when ever i was with her i was amazed at all the things we agreed on and all we seemed to have in common. Also i was very impressed how well she looked and how attractive she was. She had a very warm personality.I always looked forward to visiting with her. She could make you feel very comfortable when she was around..I know her life wasn't easy but you would never know it when you were around her. Her face was lovely . And her hair was beautiful . She was very special.person I am sorry i didn;t get to know her better.
Love, Donna,( Mom )

***This is from an old friend, Chad.
your mother was the coolest mother anyone could ask for, she was a great provider you and duane didnt do with out. she always showed me love, hell i felt like i was her adopted son.

***This is from another old friend, Dan.
Amy,
I loved your mom and your grandma like they were my own and I love you as a brother would love a sister. You, your mom, and your grandma were/are very special women in my life. I regret that I lost touch when I moved away from Anderson. They shared everything they had with me and treated me like a son. I have nothing but fond-loving memories of the both of them. Love, Dan.
Please feel free to leave comments about Gena. I would love to hear from everyone!!

Austin's 5th grade graduation

2009-06-06T20:00:00.003-04:00

Ms. Lynch (his teacher) & Austin

Austin & Mrs. Niblet (reading teacher)
Quatez, Austin & Shawn

Colin, Austin & Shawn

Jenny, Austin & Kyle

Danielle (Austin thinks she's cute) & Haily

Michael, Erika, Kyle & Austin

being silly

my boy is tall

more fun

boy's will be boy's

Austin & Jenny

5th grade teachers

hello

2009-06-04T09:10:00.002-04:00

Greetings from poolside! It's our last day in Deerfield Beach so I'm letting the kids get in another swim in before we head home. They love the water. Savannah learned how to hold her breath under water and is getting more brave. She is going without water wings too, go Nana!! We were supposed to have dinner with Matt's brother Joe last night but he had to work. I was really looking forward to seeing him, maybe next time. We just hung out and ordered pizza.
I found out last night that a high school friend passed away on the 1st. She was driving her van with her three kids and a 17 year old ran a stop sign and hit her. One of her kids was hurt and the other two are okay. Audra had been married for 12 years and was a preschool teacher. I know that she is with our Lord, it's her loved ones that are left behind to find a way to move on. They must be going through hell right now. How do they say goodbye when it's way to soon?
We are headed to my Auntie Joe's condo to pick her up and head to Rita and Jim's. Rita is her daughter and an awesome friend. It's been a couple years since we've seen each other so I'm really excited to see them!! Matt gets done with work around 3pm and we will head home after that. We are all missing the dogs.
I'll be back soon to share some pictures of our trip.

Honor Roll X2

2009-06-02T21:17:00.003-04:00

Today was the kids last day of school! Austin had a 5th grade breakfast where awards were presented. Matt and I both went and had a great time. I was able to get some great pictures of Austin with his favorite teachers and friends. It's on to 6th grade middle school now!! We are so proud of how hard Austin has worked this year. He got honor roll this grading period along with perfect attendance.
Luke finished 3rd grade with honor roll all year. We are so proud of Luke too. He is looking forward to 4th grade this August. He will be using a laptop that he can bring home. He had it this year but couldn't bring it home. He's planning on being in the band again but playing percussion rather than the baritone.
And Miss Savannah will be in kindergarten!! It's hard to believe that my baby is already 5 and ready for school. She will be going to the same school as Luke. It's Perkins Elementary and it's a Magnet School for the Arts and International Studies. It's an awesome school. Austin will be attending Azalea Middle.
We are down in Ft.Walton Beach for a couple days while Matt attends a class for work. We were able to tag along since school is out. I'm really excited that we will get to see my Great Auntie Joe and my cousin's, Rita and Jim on Thursday. We are having dinner with Matt's brother Joe tomorrow evening. We don't see him nearly enough. We hit the pool earlier and are having fun hanging out.

Nana's graduation!!

2009-06-01T13:24:00.003-04:00

Savannah & Luke on the way to Nana's graduation

crazy kids
my babies

both Pre-K classes....Nana is in the front row far right

one of many funny faces

that's my girl

after graduation we went to the fellowship hall

singing

her awards

she will hate this when she is a teenager

Nana & Ms. Sheila

Nana with Ms. Kelly.....she really 'got' Nana

Nana with the cake

the cake

update about my back

2009-05-21T14:39:00.003-04:00

I saw a pain management doctor today to discuss my back issues. He spent quite a bit of time with me and explained what was wrong. I was really surprised to hear how bad it was. The ortho doc didn't go into any details and sent me to get an epidural. He didn't even suggest a doctor, I had to ask my family doctor.
I have re-herniated L5-S1. He said that the size of the herniated disc concerned him and also a collection of fluid. We are going to try an epidural and go from there. He also wants me to have a neurosurgeon look at my films. If I do need surgery it will be complicated because of scar tissues from my first surgery.
Of course I would like to avoid surgery and I'm willing to try just about anything. I also have some research to do so that I can make better decision.
Things are crazy busy with the end of school and every one's programs to attend. Savannah graduates Pre-K, Luke is going on to the 4th grade and Austin will be a 6th grader in middle school. We have some fun things planned for the summer so hopefully my back won't be a issue. Thanks for checking in, I'll update soon.

A Gift

2009-05-12T11:04:00.004-04:00

This is Savannah at last years dance recital

When I was in Indiana last December, I found a letter in a notebook that my mom had written to Savannah. I think she had written it about a month earlier and never sent. I will always know how much she loved my kids. Having this letter is so much better than any amount of anything! So here is the letter:

Dear Savannah,

Hi, I love you!

You sing the flag song great. Grandma is very proud of you. I hope you enjoy your classes. I always had a good time playing with the other kids. How are your dancing lessons? Are you taking them every week?I loved taking dancing lessons when I was a little girl. I had a dress like yours for one of my recitals. You look great in that color of pink. You look great in everything.

I am watching the NASCAR race tonight.

*that was the end.

I have been a little on the negative side lately. I didn't even realize it until someone told me. I am making it a point to think positive and hopefully act positive. I am so happy with my life and my family. I am so thankful for everything I have. But at the same time I'm still a little upset about my mom and grandma's deaths. I want to honor them and live life to the fullest.

I just wanted to share the letter with you. I will aways treasure it and pass it on to Savannah.

back update

2009-05-08T13:23:00.002-04:00

I saw my Orthopaedic doc today about my back. He showed me the damage to L5 S1 on my MRI. We are trying steroids, exercise and cortisone injection. I go back in 6 weeks and if it's still causing pain then I will need surgery. He said that it will be major surgery because I've already had surgery in the same spot. So I am hoping and praying that it will improve. I really don't want another surgery but I don't want to live with so much pain. I'm avoiding any narcotics unless the pain is unbearable. I've been down that road before and it never ends good.

B-day girl

2009-05-07T16:41:00.002-04:00

Here are the kids with our favorite driver in front of the NASCAR Cafe.

Daddy and his girl.
Savannah Simpson.

Hard Rock pool in her new bathing suit.

In our room with her cover-up that matches her suit.

We all had such a great time.

My kids rock!

2009-05-07T09:45:00.002-04:00

These are some pictures from our weekend in Orlando. When we checked into the Hard Rock Hotel they gave us three little inflatable guitars. Here is what they did with the guitars in our room. They are just so much fun!

need your help

2009-05-06T20:47:00.001-04:00

Friends & family,
As most of you know, my grandmother and mother both died last year. I'm really struggling with with how to honor them. I wasn't able to attend the memorial service for grandma and we weren't able to have one for mom. I miss these women more than I can ever describe. I can't believe that they are both gone, it's just not fair. I need to have peace, but I'm not sure how to get it? I've prayed, prayed and prayed again. I get nothing.
I would love to be have your input on a project. I want to know what you liked most about them? Why did you love about them? What do remember the most? Please be honest.
I plan to use everyone's answers to make a proper good-bye so that I can move on.
Love, Amy

Fail

2009-05-01T12:49:00.003-04:00

Here are some pictures I took last weekend in Orlando. I didn't get in the pool but Matt did and he played with the kids. They loved the water slide. Here are the pictures I took of them going down the water slide. I know....epic fail!!

Luke

Austin
Savannah

Matt

MRI

2009-04-29T10:20:00.003-04:00

Today is starting out very nice. When I woke up my back wasn't in nearly as much pain as yesterday. It still hurts and is numb, but it's bearable. I had my MRI this morning and it went well. The tech was really nice and told me that L5 S1 has issues. This was the same place that I had surgery in February of 2005. I just didn't have any numbness before. I'm hoping to be back 100% asap.

That darn dark cloud that's stalking me!!

2009-04-28T18:35:00.002-04:00

I was just outside with the dogs and I couldn't help noticing this huge dark could over my house. If you asked me Sunday how I was, I would have said that life is good. But I woke up yesterday morning with pain in my lower back. If got worse and I was up all night in misery. About 6am my lower back and right leg feel asleep and has been numb since then. I saw my doctor and she thinks it's a disc issue and ordered a MRI and is sending me to a specialist. My MRI is at 7:15 am tomorrow but I can't see the new doctor until next Friday. This is driving me crazy!!! Not only is it soooooo very pain-full, but the numbness is freaking me out. And wouldn't you know that Matt had to go out of town until late Sunday night. And the cherry on top is that I got some mail for my mom today. Shortly after that I got the news that my Great-Auntie Joe suffered a fall that sent her to the hospital and now, rehab. She has also having some issues with her memory. I was named after after her and she is my grandma's baby sister. She means so much to me and I don't know what I will do without her.
Other than that life is awesome. I have the most amazing kids, husband and dogs. I also have some pretty amazing friends and extended family. The only thing that would help is some prayers and good thoughts sent our way.

happy birthday princess

2009-04-24T13:49:00.006-04:00

Welcome to the family!

4-26-04
Savannah Genevieve Nasworthy

9 lbs. 9 ozs.

Daddy's girl

Savannah turns 1!!

yummy

Nana & Grandma

Grandma, Mommy & Grandma

Savannah turns 2!!

Nana loves Dora!!

she loves to get cards

she's on a mission

more Dora

Savannah turns 3!!

Savannah turns 4!!

a very happy girl

cupcakes

first thing in the morning

cake

Happy 5th Birthday Savannah!!!

Austin Rocks!!

2009-04-23T07:02:00.004-04:00

I am so proud of Austin. He has really struggled with school over the years. We've tried different schools, different medications and lots of studying. When I picked him up from school yesterday he told me that he got a 90% on his math test!! He also has all A & B's so far for this grading period. He is reading for fun now and he finally 'gets' math!!! We are beyond happy, were a bit giddy. Matt was so happy that he gave him $10. We made it clear that they won't happen all the time. So watch out middle school Austin will be there in August.
This Sunday Savannah will be turning 5!! Instead of having a party we are going to Orlando to stay a night at the Hard Rock Hotel on Universal Studios property. We will hang out at the hotel Saturday and go to Universal on Sunday. We all got yearly passes for Christmas presents. The Hard Rock gives us the speed passes for Universal. We love that we don't have to wait in line, it's so much better that way.
I think I'm coming down with a cold. That won't stop me from having a blast. I'll just deal with it because that what Mommies do. Matt will be going out of town next week for almost a week. So we will all have to get our Daddy fix so we won't miss him so much. This will be his third year going to a golf tournament in Tennessee with a bunch of AAA guys. He works very hard and deserves to let lose and have fun with his work buddies.
Thanks for checking. I'll have some new pictures soon.

Easter

2009-04-17T09:55:00.001-04:00

Savannah, Austin & Luke coloring eggs

being goofy
Nana with her loot

Luke loved his basket

this hat was Austin's basket

Dad

2009-04-09T20:22:00.003-04:00

On this day four years ago, I stood beside my father-in-law Carl's hospital bed and watched him take his last breath. He had battled lung cancer for almost a year. He was the strongest yet kindest man that I have ever known or ever will. Carl showed me what a father should be and loved me like no one else. He was the person I would call if I needed any advice or a good recipe. He always had an answer and if he didn't he would find it. He showed me through his actions what a Christian should be. He believed in me when I didn't. I am honored to call him Dad.
I miss you so much Dad and can't wait to be reunited.

letting go

2009-04-05T10:32:00.002-04:00

How do you let go? I have no doubt how much my mom loved me, she told me all the time. I told her that I loved her but not how much. I didn't approve of some of the things she did and was very vocal about it. I treated her as a child more than as a mother. Now that she's gone I'm stuck here wishing I had treated her better. I can only wonder if she really knew how much I loved her. I'm just really at a weird place right now. Life is moving along full speed ahead and I'm at a much lower pace. I know that I'll be okay and able to move along. It just sucks right now.

Luke's b-day

2009-04-01T08:44:00.005-04:00

I am feeling so much better since my last post. Some day's are really bad but they are fewer as time goes on. It's still weird that my mom is gone. I know that she will be waiting for me when it's my time to go.
This week is Spring Break for the kids and were headed to the beach after lunch. Matt took off Monday & Tuesday and we went to Island of Adventure Monday. We had a blast and got soaked. We went on three water rides in a row and not one of us had a dry spot on our clothes. I left the camera at home so I don't have any pictures. I do have pictures from Luke's b-day party.

Matt & his Momma

Savannah being cute
she loves the camera

work it girl

I love her shoes

we must have hundreds of pictures like this

how sweet

Nana @ Luke's party

my nephew John & Luke

my niece Maggie & Nana

Luke opening gifts

Luke w/ his cupcake

(I made cupcakes in ice cream cones and everyone go to decorate their own)

again with this

Luke

Austin looking cool

what's up

2009-03-25T17:02:00.002-04:00

I can't believe how hard the past two days have been. I am missing my mom more than ever. It was probably because I had my first b-day without mom and grandma and Luke's b-day to. I finally realized that I will have to live the rest of my life without my mommy. I know that I will be reunited with her in heaven but it still hurts. I just have this hole in my heart right now. Everyone says that time will heal but I don't time right now, I have hurt. I do have faith that things will get better. I was doing really good until yesterday.
I am staying busy with my craft stuff and housework. I hope to get the business up and running soon. I need to decide on a logo and website set up. The kids are great. Austin is working on his Science Fair project. Luke is loving his green machine, and Savannah is just crazy.

Green Machine!

2009-03-20T11:19:00.003-04:00

It's been a while since I posted a new blog so I thought that I should get busy. My b-day was awesome last Friday. We had a few friends over for a evening of grilling and Wii. The kids spent the night at grandma's and had a blast.
This Sunday is Luke's 9th b-day!! We got him a green machine and he loves it. For those that don't know us, we ALWAYS give gifts early. We are getting better with the kids but we just can't wait most of the time. Luke is a wild man on the green machine and has pretty much mastered it. Were having a family get together on Sunday to celebrate Luke's b-day and a good-bye party for Donna & Ralph. They split their time between here and North Carolina.
It's been busy around here. We had to replace our entire A/C yesterday. The company that we dealt with was so amazing. If you live in the Tampa Bay area I highly recommend Bayside Heating and Cooling. We found them on Angie's List a couple years ago and have used them ever since.
If you need an oil change I can tell you one place to NOT go!! I had an appointment on Tuesday at 10am at Dayton Andrews Dodge in Clearwater. I was their until 12:45pm! That's right
2 hours and 45 minutes. I was okay with an hour wait but come on almost 3!! When I questioned them about my appointment I was told that the appointment is with the office and not the mechanic. Makes no since to me so I won't be going back. It would have taken longer but I threw a fit and that's when things moved much faster.
Here are a couple pictures.

Savannah giving herself bunny ears!!

Luke on his Green Machine.
A very happy boy after he got his gift.

more good news

2009-03-10T14:00:00.002-04:00

I am feeling so much better this week. I think that all the new meds are kicking it. I had my tests done on Saturday and the results were normal. Well the sinus CT scan showed some abnormalities but nothing to worry about or even treat. My nurse said that it was something that happened when I was a wee embryo forming in the womb. So life is good again!
Luke is feeling better too but he's getting tired easily. I thinks it's just being lazy. But what do I know, I'm just mom.
I need to get the boys from school and take Nana to dance class.

Exciting news!!

2009-03-05T16:28:00.003-05:00

I have some exciting news that I want to share with everyone. I'm working on a website to sell custom crafts. Well actually Matt and Penny are working on the website stuff and I will be doing the crafts. It will mostly be mini scrapbooks, but I can do large ones to. I will also be selling decorating picture frames. Each item will be costume made however my customers want. You will pick the pictures, colors, theme's. It's still in the early stages but we hope to get it up and running soon. This will be so awesome if I can bring in some extra cash doing what I love.
I am feeling much better today and so is Luke. I did take Luke to the doctor this morning and he got some antibiotics. He will be back in school just in time for the FCAT testing next week. It's been nice to have a sick buddy to keep me company, but now that he's feeling better he's quite the little pain in the rear!
I need to get up from the computer and get some housework done.

update

2009-03-04T13:23:00.003-05:00

I went to see a allergy/asthma doctor this morning for the first time. He is Luke's doctor and noticed last week when Luke was there that I needed to come for a visit myself. I'm glad I did because I have moderate/severe asthma and could very well have died if I had a bad attack. I had a breathing test done and will go back for allergy tests next month. He also ordered a CT scan of my sinuses and a chest x-ray to check if I have pneumonia. I'll have those done on Saturday. Hopefully I don't have any major lung issues because that would suck. He also changed my meds.
Luke stayed home from school today because of a fever and all around yucky feeling. He's had a fever everyday since last Friday. Poor boy. If he has another fever in the morning then he will need to see his doctor. Thankfully Savannah and Austin are health.
I'm getting excited about my birthday. It's on Friday the 13th this year.....spooky!! Matt asked his mom to come over and watch the kids next weekend so we can get away for a couple days. I think we are going over to Orlando but I'm not sure yet. I hope that I'm feeling better by then. Thanks for checking up on me.

yuck

2009-02-27T18:26:00.003-05:00

Have you ever felt like you totally got your butt kicked? I feel this way because of some nasty invaders of my body. I am calling it the "FUNK" and I want it to go away like yesterday!! My doctor is calling it allergies/asthma and bronchitis. I'm on a new antibiotic and a new inhaler. My voice is gone and I sound really weird.
To top it all off...Luke is sick!! Proving once again why we call him 'pukey lukie'. He came home early from school and has finally broke his fever. He must feel better because he asked for pop tarts.
I'm off to chill.

tons of pics

2009-02-25T17:31:00.002-05:00

Savannah ready for dance class

Luke's new-do
side view

after our girls night

Savannah having make-up on for the first time

Austin

Chris (nephew who gives Austin guitar lessons) & Austin

she loves having her picture taken

new dressready for her Valentines Day party @ school

a new blog

2009-02-24T07:00:00.002-05:00

I just looked over at my calender and I can't believe that it's almost March. Wasn't it just Christmas? I'm kinda stuck in a funk lately. It's just so strange to not have my mom and grandma. I could call my mom and tell her everything going on in my life and she would listen and actually care. I tend to drive Matt crazy with that kind of thing. I just got these really cool drapers in our dining room and I keep wanting to call and tell her about them. I know that she would be very happy that Jeff Gordon finished 2nd in Sunday's race.
Life is moving along even if I don't want it to. Each new day makes her death more real. It's hard to say good bye when I'm still struggling with her not being here. I'm sure that I sound like a broken record but it's the truth. It just sucks!
We have done a few fun thing lately that I haven't blogged about. A couple weeks ago we went to the Florida State Fair and had a blast. We tried the famous deep fried Twinkies and oreo's. They were pretty good but they need to use the double stuff oreo's. This was my first trip to any state fair. We were able to catch some of the dogs racing.....Jack Russell Terrier's that is. They were so funny and very loud. Getting the dogs in the box was a challenge to most of the owners. Some of the dogs were to scared to run or come out of the box. They even had sharks in a huge tank. We had a great time together as a family.
This past weekend we went to a birthday party at Seminole Park. The weather was perfect, the food was great, and the company was awesome. Happy sweet 16 Rachel!! Saturday evening Matt took the boy's to the Monster Truck show over in Tampa. This was Austin's first time going and he loved it. They were all pretty excited that all the trucks got broken in the freestyle event. What could be more fun than watching huge trucks wreck and break?
Savannah and I stayed home for some girl time. We did each others hair, make-up, and nails. I'll get some pictures up soon. Nana looked like a princess and I looked like I got in a fight with a few tubes of lipstick....and lost. We all had a great day.

86

2009-02-17T19:46:00.003-05:00

Tomorrow is my Grandma's birthday, she should be turning 86. I still have times when I forget that she died. It's just so weird to not have her around. I miss all the funny stuff she used to do and say. She would walk in a messy room and say that it looked like a cyclone hit. She would get tired of hearing Grandpa tell the same story over and over. She would say under her breath "that old man". I think she really liked it deep down. She always named her cars and it was usually Betsy. She didn't miss an episode of The Price Is Right and she loved watching her Cubs play ball. She used to play Bingo years ago and she really enjoyed playing the tip board at the VFW. This woman always had a tissue some where on her self in a pocket or in her sleeve. You better believe that dinner was on the table at 12 noon everyday, this was the big meal of the day.
I miss her so much.

Our house band

2009-02-13T07:32:00.002-05:00

Savannah is the lead singer complete with fuzzy slippers, princess crown & a tie dye t-shirt!

Luke is on the drums.
Austin is doing back-up singer for this song.

The Dude sleeping.

They are BFF's

two months

2009-02-07T16:16:00.003-05:00

Today marks two months without my mom. I think I'm still trying to process the past six months, but I'm much better, and working toward some type of closure. I wouldn't wish this kind of pain on anyone. My brother is having a rough time and could use some prayers. My uncle had to have him removed from the house. I have no ideal where he is right now.
I am feeling much better today. I have one more day of steroids. They have really helped me breath better. Were taking the kids to the Florida State Fair tomorrow. Matt is out with Austin right now shopping and seeing a movie. I can't believe that he will be 13 in September. I remember being that age and I was scared to death because I had so many changes going on. I just wanted to stay a little girl for as long as possible. Growing up is defiantly hard work.
We are so excited that the NASCAR season is getting ready to start. The Bud Shootout is this evening!!! Go Dale Jr!!!!

feeling a little blah

2009-02-03T19:01:00.003-05:00

It seems like I've been sick forever. It all started with a cold that turned into bronchitis and now laryngitis. My family is enjoying the part where I can't talk. I can talk a little but it sounds weird. I was on antibiotics and now I have a week with steroids. Where's the chocolate??
I did get started with exercise yesterday on my Wii Fit. The Wii Fit has told me that I'm not just overweight but I'm obese. So I have some hard work ahead. We are going to North Carolina the end of July for a surfing vacation. I'd love to be able to wear a bathing suit in public without being totally grossed out.
We just got the drums for our Wii Rockband and the kids are loving it. Two guitars, two mics and drum's!! I'm not brave enough to try any of them yet. I love watching them have so much fun. I think Matt likes it the most.
I have two really good friends that have recently lost their mother's. My heart is breaking for Susie-Q and Denise. This will be one of the hardest things will ever do, but they are not alone.
I'm off to do a little scrap booking!!

Monday

2009-01-29T19:34:00.003-05:00

I'm finally ready to get back in shape and lose some serious weight. I lost 48 lbs. in 6 months in 2007. I did it as a fundraiser and I really enjoyed feeling good and doing good. In October of 07 I had bladder surgery and had to take it easy for a while. Then I had a weird infection on my leg and all sorts of crazy stuff stuff happen. My thyroid was out of whack and my vitamin B-12 too. Then I lost a brother-in-law, our niece lost her boyfriend, then my mom, my grandma and to top it off; my dog.
I have put 44 of those pounds back on. I am so out of shape, my clothes don't fit and I feel awful. I am done with excuses and I'm ready to get healthy again. I have bronchitis right now but I think it's on it's way out. So Monday I start taking better care of me.

grief

2009-01-27T09:29:00.003-05:00

Grief is such a strange thing. One day I'm fine and feeling good and the next I'm a mess. I'm just trying to go with the flow and deal with things when I feel I need to. It's still so strange to me that my grandma and mom are gone. They have been there for my entire life, good and bad. Just knowing that they were a phone call away made me feel good. Life sure is different now.

I am still grieving but I'm so happy. I love my life. I have an awesome marriage, and the best kids ever. Our dogs are pretty cool too. I love our home and mini van. Getting to stay home with the kids is unbelievable, I love it. I have everything that I've ever wanted except my mom and grandma to share it with. They both knew how much I loved them. They were very proud of me and I always knew that.
Life goes on and so will I.

Luke's new "ears"!!

2009-01-21T07:59:00.002-05:00

That's right, Luke got his hearing aides Monday afternoon. He loves them and they are working great. He was able to choose what color he wanted for the ear molds and the actual aides. He chose clear for the aides and the molds are clear with red mixed in a little. They are very cool!! As we were leaving the office building the automatic doors opened and Luke says, "so that's what that sounds like!!" He's hearing all sorts of things now. So here are a couple pics for your viewing pleasure.

Last year

2009-01-13T13:42:00.002-05:00

I thought it would be cool to look back a year ago and see what I was blogging about. This was posted 1-11-08 and I really like it, so here it is for your reading pleasure.

Dancing trees
I took the kids to the park one day during Christmas break. It was really windy that day but other than that it was perfect, a real Chamber of Commerce day. As we got of of the van Nana says, "look mommy, the trees are dancing!!" and she was so excited about it. At first I was thinking how are they dancing, and then I stopped and actually looked at the trees and you know what; they were dancing! I guess I had never described a windy day in such a way, but I love it.I love how my kids describe people, places and things. And I'm always amazed at how different we see things than our kids, sometimes. I still wonder sometimes if I'm 'grown-up' yet. I remember being about 10 and thinking that when you turned a certain age you would somehow get all the answers to life's questions. I'll be 35 this year and I still wonder when I'll have all the answers. I do know that I will get those answers one day; it just won't be here on Earth. So until then I'll be watching the trees dance and enjoying their beauty.

Thank you

2009-01-08T13:16:00.005-05:00

I wanted to take the time to thank all of you for helping me get through some tough times. I wouldn't be where I am today without your love, prayers, and just being available to listen. I have the most amazing husband....ever. I always know that I come first in his book. He still makes my heart skip a beat and can always make me giggle. And once again he dropped everything to be with me and do whatever I might need. I love you Matt.

Thank you Stevens' family for taking care of our dogs and house while we were in Indiana. I'm so sorry that you had to deal with Pepperoni. We will be forever grateful to you for taking him to the vet so quickly. We know that Pepperoni was being loved by you guys in his last days.

Thank you Cram family for giving us a place to lay our heads in Indiana. Thank you for loving us so much and making us feel so welcome in your home. Thank you for listening to me ramble on about this or that. Thank you for making sure we had some fun while we were in town.

Thank you Lloyd family for making my Mom's service so awesome. Thank you for keeping the kids overnight and letting me do my laundry at your house. I am a little frightened with how you start the dryer though!! Thank you for making me laugh when I wanted to cry. Thank you for just being you. We love you all so much.

Thank you Gross family for doing such an amazing job with the food and games. You really out did yourselves with the spread of food you brought. Thank you for being willing to do whatever we needed. I love you all so much!!

Thank you Aunt Beady & Uncle Bain for showering me with love and good memories of my Mom. You are both so dear to my heart. Thanks for being such an important part of my life. You have always been there for me.

Thank you Tracy for all the support you have given me over the years and especially the past few months. I have come to depend on your opinions and advice. You are one of my best friends, and I love you to pieces.

Thank you Pippin family for dropping everything and doing whatever we might need. We have been through so much the past few years and gotten so much closer. You guys can make me laugh and listen to me cry. You are so patient with listening to my stories that never seem to end. You guys put the B in BFF's!

Thank you Nana and Mikey for loving us and spending time with us. We loved getting to go out to dinner with you guys. I've been looking through old pictures and you are in so many of them Nana. You have always made sure to be a part of my life, no matter what. I wish we could spend more time together.

Thank you Suzy-Q for calling me as soon as you found out about my Mom. With that call I knew how much you cared about me. You put a smile in my heart and I am so grateful for that. I am honored to have friends like you.

Thank you Zana family for holding us so tight in prayers. Thanks for reminding me how wonderful my Mom was. Thank you for listening and giving advice. I love you all so much. Thank you for taking such good care of your parents. This is such a wonderful witness for a World hurting.

Thank you to the Fleet guys down in Ft.Lauderdale for the heartfelt card and messages. You guys are the kind of people I want my husband working with. Thank you to all of you AAA people. You guys have been so amazing the past 10+ years.

Thank you Donna for you being the greatest mother-in-law ever. I have always felt more like your daughter. You have filled a huge void in my life for quite some time. Thank you for telling me that I was a good daughter to my Mom. I am so thankful to have you be such a big part of my life. And thank you Ralph for sharing her!!

Thank you to everyone who called, sent cards, or email. Knowing that you care means so much to me. Thank you to everyone that has given me such a great life. I will always miss my mom but I know that I am loved by so many.

Thank you Robert D. Loose Funeral Home in Anderson. We were treated as though we were spending millions of dollars rather than having the county paying for the cremation. Everyone was so kind and caring and willing to do whatever we might need.

I also want to thank all my faithful MySpace, Blogger and Message Board friends. You guys are the one's that make my days a little brighter. Just knowing that you care means so much to me. I have become really attached to many of you. It's nice to take my mind of my problems and focus on others for a bit.

Thank you!!

One month

2009-01-07T13:13:00.002-05:00

It's been one month since I lost my mom. In many ways it seems longer but other times it seems like yesterday. Each new day makes it a little more real. I wish it was all a bad dream. Although my world stopped, everyone else moved on. I needed to take a break and learn how best to deal with my grief. I'm just learning how to live without my grandma and my mom. I'm just missing them now and looking for ways to honor them.
Thanks for checking up on me and for your prayers.

Noah

2009-01-05T12:36:00.003-05:00

I got my baby fix this past weekend. I had Noah for a couple days and one night. He is such a good baby even though he's teething really bad. The kids loved having him here. He wore me out!

Noah loves his cousin Austin
Nana was a good little Mama

love these big blues

just chillin

Luke on Christmas morning

Nana ready to go to Grandma's for Christmas dinner

Austin with his new electric guitar

2008, the year in review

2008-12-28T09:49:00.006-05:00

I'm so glad that 2008 is almost over, I say bring on 2009. This year has been full of sorrow, pain and good times. Matt and I celebrated our 10th anniversary in February with new tattoo's. I love my little lady bug and I can't wait to get another one. Luke and I had our birthday's in March, I'm now 35 and Luke is 8. We took a Disney vacation the first of April and it was awesome. I hadn't been to Disney since I was 3!! We spent two nights on property and spent a day at Disney and a day at Epcot. We bought the 4 day passes, and saved the other two days for later. I was also able to attend Fashion Fund's the Cure to raise funds for research to cure childhood cancer. Our little princess turned four in April, and WOW is she growing up fast. She is also a reminder to us of all the children around the World suffering from cancer, hunger, disease and abuse. We are dedicated to helping these children.

Savannah is still taking tap/ballet once a week, and she loves it. She had her first recital in June and her class did wonderful. All of the dad's were included in their routine. It was so sweet. In May I was stung by a stingray on my right foot. Talk about so serious pain!! The last week of June we headed out to my mother-in-laws time share on the beach. We were there for the forth of July and had an spectacular view from the beach of local fireworks. It truly was a magical week as a family. I know that Matt and I will always remember this week.

I took a trip by myself to Indiana for a few days in July to visit my grandma. It was thought that she had bone cancer in her shoulder and, her time here on Earth was limited. While I was in town we found out that it was her breast cancer that was back and in her shoulder and spine. She was in so much pain. It was so awful seeing her like that. After I came home she lost all feeling in her legs and was admitted to the hospital. She went to radiation everyday to help with the pain. I got the dreaded phone call on August 10th that grandma had passed. My mom and brother were with her at the hospital; so she wasn't alone. Her death was the hardest thing that I've ever dealt with. She was so much more than a grandma, she was my best friend, and she was always there for me. I have a huge piece of my heart that went with grandma, and I have a huge piece of her heart that she left with me.

Savannah and I had our first girl's weekend at Disney World in early September. We spent a day at Disney meeting the Princess' and having a blast. We spent the night in a hotel and attended Disney on Ice the next day. We had so much and I can't wait until we have more girl time. Matt took the boy's to Disney's Hollywood Studio's for a guy day. They had a blast riding rides because Luke is now tall enough to ride everything!! My boy's have no fear when it comes to roller coaster's, they LOVE it. Austin turned 12 in September! It's hard to believe that he will be a teenager next year...scary!! Matt and I went to a Maroon 5 & Counting Crow's concert in early October. Everyone likes to make fun of me for liking Maroon 5 but that doesn't stop me. They are my favorite band forever!! November was busy with school and appointments. We stayed home for Thanksgiving and I cooked everything for the first time. It was awesome.

I received another dreaded phone call on December 7th from my brother....our mom was dead. She was only 55 and her death was such a surprise. She was home at the time in her bed. We believe that she accidentally overdosed on her meds. It doesn't really matter how she died, I still miss her the same. We loaded up the mini-van and headed to Anderson, Indiana to make arrangements. We were in town for almost a week. It was so surreal, and still is. I though that losing grandma was bad, but it's a walk in the park compared to losing my mom. I just can't get it in my head that she's gone. We got a call while we in Anderson that our beloved dog, Pepperoni was dragging his hind legs and needed to go to the vet. It was decided that he should be put down ASAP. So we didn't get to say goodbye to him, and that really sucks. I'm glad that we didn't see him suffer though.

Matt will turn 35 tomorrow and we will welcome a New Year very soon. I think the kids had a good year, we spent alot of time having fun together. We also have some really great friend's that have helped get us through all the rough time's. When Julie and John heard that my mom had died they were at our doorstep with lots of love, food and. I am so grateful for them, they always seem to know what we need. We have so much fun together and our kids love them to pieces. I was also able to reconnects with some old friends in Indiana. The Cram's have been amazing letting me stay with them in July and in December with the whole family. They made sure we had some fun while in town, that is through the tears.

The highlight of every trip up north is getting to spend time with my cousin/BFF LeiAnne and her family. We have seven kids together and they all love each other so much. I am really missing Lei, she knows me better than almost anyone.

Well that's 2008 in a nutshell. We had some really great game nights and some really good sporting events too. Our days are filled with normal busy stuff with the kids. Luke is being fit for hearing aides on Monday. His hearing has continued to worsen so it's time for some help. He's excited to finally be able to hear soon.
I would like to wish you all a wonderful New Year. But most of all; happiness forever.

What's up

2008-12-26T17:52:00.003-05:00

This is our new puppy Dude. He's such a sweet dog!!

I can't believe how much I'm missing my family. The pain is almost unbearable at times. I'm putting on a brave face for the kids. I have to keep telling myself that mom is really gone. I don't think I knew how much I loved her until she was gone. I was always more worried about her being a good mother and not worried about being a good daughter. She knew I loved her but also knew how disappointed I was in her. None of that matters now. What matters now is my family and making them proud. I want to just curl up in a ball and hide from the world sometimes.

The kids had a wonderful Christmas. They of course got way too many presents. They are only young once though. We had our BFF's over on Christmas Eve and had a blast. On Christmas Day we went to dinner at Matt's Mother's house. I had a few meltdowns along the way and I'm still here.

Jayden

2008-12-21T09:31:00.005-05:00

I have a bunch of pictures from out trip to Indiana but I'm not feeling like posting all of them. I'll call this the Savannah favorites. I asked her what her favorite part was of our trip. She said watching the snow and playing with Jayden. Jayden is the youngest of the Lloyd kids, he turned 4 last October. He and Nana really hit it off and they played non-stop when they were together. This a Jayden with his blue eyes and huge dimple. I just love him to pieces.

the snow
she loved the snow

and spent lots of time doing this

I found these two ladybugs in the stairwell at LeiAnne's house

I am missing my Mom more everyday. I just can't believe that she's really gone. We are all missing Pepperoni too. We are looking for another dog to keep Hummer company.

I got a call Friday from the funeral home that took care of my mom. They had Mom's death certificate from the health dept. and wanted to let me know that they were sending it here. It just make it seem more real and I had a little breakdown. The people that took care of Mom were absolutely amazing and so awesome. We were getting the city to pay for her cremation and we didn't have a public service. They treated us as if we were spending millions.

what next?

2008-12-18T19:55:00.003-05:00

I thought I should update with how were doing. I'm staying very busy so I don't have too much time to think. I miss my mom, my grandma and my Pepperoni. I still can't believe that they are all gone. I do believe that I will be reunited with them one day, and that's what keeps me going. I've never felt this kind of pain, just deep down hurt, and it stinks. This is going to take some time to learn how to live without these women. My mom would drive me crazy but she was always only a phone call away. And grandma would drop everything for me and did quite a few times.
I can't really say that I'm okay. I don't know how anyone could be okay after dealing with such loss. I do know that I will be okay one day. For now I'm trying to live a life without two very special women. I'm really missing my sleeping buddy Pepperoni. We got the sweetest card from our Vet telling us that her thoughts and prayers were with us. I took some brownies and cookies to the office today. It was hard to get out the words for me and the receptionist. We were both holding back the tears.
I'm going to take a few days off from the Blogger world. I'm trying to focus on the family and having the best Christmas possible for the kids. Thank you all so much for caring so much for myself and my family. It's your thoughts and prayers that get me through the tough times.

Missing

2008-12-15T20:43:00.003-05:00

Hummer on the left, Pepperoni on right

Pepperoni loved buckets & ball
right after we brought Pepperoni home

Savannah & Pepperoni

so sweet

Uncle Duane, Grandma & Mom

Mom trying to get Josh in the picture

Luke & Grandma

Mom when she was a baby

Mom & Luke in the alley

Mom & the kiddo's

Austin & Grandma

Mom on Christmas morning @ our house

I just wanted to post some pictures. I'm missing her and Pepperoni.

Are you kidding me?

2008-12-13T16:08:00.003-05:00

We are headed home to sunny Florida as I type. We were able to see some snow yesterday and the kids loved it. They just sat and looked out the window forever. The little service for my Mom turned out to be so much fun. We had close to 30 people there and so much food. We ate, laughed and there were a few tears shed. All the adults played pictonary and had a last. Mom would not want us to have a pitty party, she would want us to have a good time. It was really nice to get to visit with friends and family.

Well we made it through all of that and got some more bad news yesterday. Our dog Pepperoni was dragging his hind legs and acting starnge. Our nephew took him to the vet. We aren't sure how but he some how shattered a disc and was paralized in his hind legs. Our only options were surgery and having him put down. Our vet wasn't even sure if she could help. So we had to have him put down yesterday. We are completly devistaed. Our dogs are our furry kids. What really sucks is that we didn't get to say good-bye. We do know that he was very well taken care of and gots plenty of love. Poor Hummer is an only dog again.

I took tons of pictures that I will be sharing soon.

Thanks for all your prayers!