Monday

I'm finally ready to get back in shape and lose some serious weight. I lost 48 lbs. in 6 months in 2007. I did it as a fundraiser and I really enjoyed feeling good and doing good. In October of 07 I had bladder surgery and had to take it easy for a while. Then I had a weird infection on my leg and all sorts of crazy stuff stuff happen. My thyroid was out of whack and my vitamin B-12 too. Then I lost a brother-in-law, our niece lost her boyfriend, then my mom, my grandma and to top it off; my dog.
I have put 44 of those pounds back on. I am so out of shape, my clothes don't fit and I feel awful. I am done with excuses and I'm ready to get healthy again. I have bronchitis right now but I think it's on it's way out. So Monday I start taking better care of me.

grief

Grief is such a strange thing. One day I'm fine and feeling good and the next I'm a mess. I'm just trying to go with the flow and deal with things when I feel I need to. It's still so strange to me that my grandma and mom are gone. They have been there for my entire life, good and bad. Just knowing that they were a phone call away made me feel good. Life sure is different now.

I am still grieving but I'm so happy. I love my life. I have an awesome marriage, and the best kids ever. Our dogs are pretty cool too. I love our home and mini van. Getting to stay home with the kids is unbelievable, I love it. I have everything that I've ever wanted except my mom and grandma to share it with. They both knew how much I loved them. They were very proud of me and I always knew that.
Life goes on and so will I.

Luke's new "ears"!!

That's right, Luke got his hearing aides Monday afternoon. He loves them and they are working great. He was able to choose what color he wanted for the ear molds and the actual aides. He chose clear for the aides and the molds are clear with red mixed in a little. They are very cool!! As we were leaving the office building the automatic doors opened and Luke says, "so that's what that sounds like!!" He's hearing all sorts of things now. So here are a couple pics for your viewing pleasure.

Last year

I thought it would be cool to look back a year ago and see what I was blogging about. This was posted 1-11-08 and I really like it, so here it is for your reading pleasure.

Dancing trees
I took the kids to the park one day during Christmas break. It was really windy that day but other than that it was perfect, a real Chamber of Commerce day. As we got of of the van Nana says, "look mommy, the trees are dancing!!" and she was so excited about it. At first I was thinking how are they dancing, and then I stopped and actually looked at the trees and you know what; they were dancing! I guess I had never described a windy day in such a way, but I love it.I love how my kids describe people, places and things. And I'm always amazed at how different we see things than our kids, sometimes. I still wonder sometimes if I'm 'grown-up' yet. I remember being about 10 and thinking that when you turned a certain age you would somehow get all the answers to life's questions. I'll be 35 this year and I still wonder when I'll have all the answers. I do know that I will get those answers one day; it just won't be here on Earth. So until then I'll be watching the trees dance and enjoying their beauty.

Thank you

I wanted to take the time to thank all of you for helping me get through some tough times. I wouldn't be where I am today without your love, prayers, and just being available to listen. I have the most amazing husband....ever. I always know that I come first in his book. He still makes my heart skip a beat and can always make me giggle. And once again he dropped everything to be with me and do whatever I might need. I love you Matt.


Thank you Stevens' family for taking care of our dogs and house while we were in Indiana. I'm so sorry that you had to deal with Pepperoni. We will be forever grateful to you for taking him to the vet so quickly. We know that Pepperoni was being loved by you guys in his last days.


Thank you Cram family for giving us a place to lay our heads in Indiana. Thank you for loving us so much and making us feel so welcome in your home. Thank you for listening to me ramble on about this or that. Thank you for making sure we had some fun while we were in town.


Thank you Lloyd family for making my Mom's service so awesome. Thank you for keeping the kids overnight and letting me do my laundry at your house. I am a little frightened with how you start the dryer though!! Thank you for making me laugh when I wanted to cry. Thank you for just being you. We love you all so much.


Thank you Gross family for doing such an amazing job with the food and games. You really out did yourselves with the spread of food you brought. Thank you for being willing to do whatever we needed. I love you all so much!!


Thank you Aunt Beady & Uncle Bain for showering me with love and good memories of my Mom. You are both so dear to my heart. Thanks for being such an important part of my life. You have always been there for me.


Thank you Tracy for all the support you have given me over the years and especially the past few months. I have come to depend on your opinions and advice. You are one of my best friends, and I love you to pieces.


Thank you Pippin family for dropping everything and doing whatever we might need. We have been through so much the past few years and gotten so much closer. You guys can make me laugh and listen to me cry. You are so patient with listening to my stories that never seem to end. You guys put the B in BFF's!


Thank you Nana and Mikey for loving us and spending time with us. We loved getting to go out to dinner with you guys. I've been looking through old pictures and you are in so many of them Nana. You have always made sure to be a part of my life, no matter what. I wish we could spend more time together.


Thank you Suzy-Q for calling me as soon as you found out about my Mom. With that call I knew how much you cared about me. You put a smile in my heart and I am so grateful for that. I am honored to have friends like you.


Thank you Zana family for holding us so tight in prayers. Thanks for reminding me how wonderful my Mom was. Thank you for listening and giving advice. I love you all so much. Thank you for taking such good care of your parents. This is such a wonderful witness for a World hurting.


Thank you to the Fleet guys down in Ft.Lauderdale for the heartfelt card and messages. You guys are the kind of people I want my husband working with. Thank you to all of you AAA people. You guys have been so amazing the past 10+ years.


Thank you Donna for you being the greatest mother-in-law ever. I have always felt more like your daughter. You have filled a huge void in my life for quite some time. Thank you for telling me that I was a good daughter to my Mom. I am so thankful to have you be such a big part of my life. And thank you Ralph for sharing her!!


Thank you to everyone who called, sent cards, or email. Knowing that you care means so much to me. Thank you to everyone that has given me such a great life. I will always miss my mom but I know that I am loved by so many.

Thank you Robert D. Loose Funeral Home in Anderson. We were treated as though we were spending millions of dollars rather than having the county paying for the cremation. Everyone was so kind and caring and willing to do whatever we might need.

I also want to thank all my faithful MySpace, Blogger and Message Board friends. You guys are the one's that make my days a little brighter. Just knowing that you care means so much to me. I have become really attached to many of you. It's nice to take my mind of my problems and focus on others for a bit.

Thank you!!

One month

It's been one month since I lost my mom. In many ways it seems longer but other times it seems like yesterday. Each new day makes it a little more real. I wish it was all a bad dream. Although my world stopped, everyone else moved on. I needed to take a break and learn how best to deal with my grief. I'm just learning how to live without my grandma and my mom. I'm just missing them now and looking for ways to honor them.
Thanks for checking up on me and for your prayers.

Noah

I got my baby fix this past weekend. I had Noah for a couple days and one night. He is such a good baby even though he's teething really bad. The kids loved having him here. He wore me out!

Noah loves his cousin Austin
Nana was a good little Mama

love these big blues

just chillin

Luke on Christmas morning

Nana ready to go to Grandma's for Christmas dinner

Austin with his new electric guitar